The Hidden Social Anxiety Symptom When Saying Someone’s Name

Understanding Alexinomia: The Fear of Saying Someone’s Name

When we think about social anxiety, common symptoms like sweating, avoiding group conversations, and trembling often come to mind. However, there is another lesser-known sign of social anxiety that has recently gained attention—alexinomia. This term, coined in a 2023 study published in Frontiers, refers to the fear of speaking someone’s name. Experts suggest it is an overlooked yet significant aspect of social anxiety.

Alexinomia is not classified as an illness or diagnosis on its own but may be linked to autism and other mental health conditions. Research from 2024 indicates that this condition might be more widespread than many realize.

To better understand what alexinomia means, we spoke with BACP-certified therapists Kamalyn Kaur and Bhavna Raithatha.

What Is Alexinomia?

According to Raithatha, alexinomia is “the fear of speaking someone’s name.” Kaur described it as “when someone experiences extreme discomfort, difficulty, or even anxiety when using a person’s name in conversation, even when they know the person’s name and the person really well.”

An example Kaur provided is someone being able to ask their friend Hannah, “Can you please pass me the salt?” but finding it harder to say, “Hannah, can you please pass me the salt?”

“Using the person’s name can trigger feelings of vulnerability, self-consciousness, or emotional exposure,” Kaur added. Mentioning someone’s name directly might feel too intimate or embarrassing. “Often the difficulty is less about the name itself and more about what the name represents emotionally,” she continued.

“For some people, saying the name out loud feels like suddenly acknowledging closeness in a relationship. For example, ‘If I say your name, I’m stepping into closeness I don’t fully feel safe in yet.’” She also mentioned that avoidants or anxious-avoidants may find that “saying someone’s name brings up a fear of dependency or attachment, so not using the person’s name becomes a subtle way of staying emotionally regulated and feeling in control.”

Who Might Experience Alexinomia?

Kaur explained that alexinomia may be more likely among individuals who experience:

• Social anxiety
• Shyness or self-consciousness
• Fear of being judged or noticed
• Insecure attachment patterns
• Difficulty with emotional intimacy or vulnerability
• A history of feeling emotionally unsafe or unstable in relationships

Raithatha also highlighted the role of culture. “Historically and culturally, many people are raised to address others as uncle or auntie, Mrs. or Mr. so and so. To then be expected (as I was) to address people not only by their names, but elders by their first name was incredibly anxiety provoking. I still address people with their titles out of respect,” she said.

Additionally, others may worry about saying someone’s name wrong, could have come from a background involving a lot of bullying, or have been silenced often as a child—all of which may increase the likelihood of developing alexinomia.

What Should You Do If You Have Alexinomia?

Kaur advised that avoidance tends to strengthen the fear, so it’s best to gradually expose yourself to saying the name rather than avoiding it altogether. Some initial steps may include:

• Saying the person’s name when you are alone
• Using it in text messages before actually saying it
• Practising short greetings (e.g., “Hi Hannah,” “Nice to see you, Hannah”)
• Gradually using people’s names in real conversations

Small, repeated challenges can help over time, she advised. Additionally, since alexinomia appears closely linked to social anxiety, experts suggest working on this could also help with the former.

Approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), nervous system regulation, somatic approaches, and self-compassion practices can help, Kaur said. She also emphasized the importance of becoming self-aware and staying present during the discomfort. Ask yourself questions like:

• What do I worry will happen if I say their name?
• Does it feel too intimate?
• Am I worried about sounding awkward?
• Do I worry about drawing attention to myself?

Raithatha concluded that ultimately, the important thing is to have tried. “You should be proud for trying. The more you do it, the easier it will feel.”